Hive World Terra

1001 ways to confuse your opponent: Confusions 31 to 60

31. Order your miniatures in your best Sergeant-Major voice. "Quick march, on the double- hut!"

32. Ask if your opponent is opposed to nuclear warfare. Carry a small spherical device. Give no other reasons.

33. Wear a crown. Say that you are the "Lord of the Galaxy". Get a horde of admirers to cheer you on.

34. Bring a stuffed, shaved poodle. Say it is your mascot.

35. Grow a Hitler moustache and wear a swastika. 'Discipline' your troops if they fail to salute you.

36. Cheer on your miniatures.

37. Hide under the table at the start of the game. Make your opponent drag you out. Speak in a nervous whisper. Confide in him that you are scared of his troops.

38. Leave a false army list lying around. Snatch it back angrily if your opponent starts to read it, but leave it visible.

39. Pull out an ace surreptiously ( but obviously ) from your sleeve during the magic phase. Look pleased. Try to play it.

40. Keep a deck of M:tG cards handy. When you are told it is "the magic phase" bring out the cards and start to shuffle them. Ask if he wants to cut your deck.

41. Speak in skaven. Neek- Neek!

42. Tell him you've brought weighted dice. Complain about the uselessness of modern technology when you start to roll ones.

43. Bring a lamp. Rub it and make three wishes before the game. Look at your opponent accusingly if they don't immediately come true. Ask him if he's used it.

44. Ask what year it is. Ask where you are. Ask what game you are going to play. If he says warhammer, bring out an antique mallet and hit him with it. Smile a corny grin.

45. Make references to a spy/traitor in his army.

46. Don't place your wizard on the board at the start of the game. At the end of your deployment, use a small explosive device to create a smoke screen and place down the wizard behind it while you yell, "poof!". When the smoke dissipates, say, "Tadaa!"

47. Have a history written for every trooper. Start a family feud.

48. Poor cheese sauce all over your opponent's army. Complain that it is cheesy.

49. Come with an army painted completely fluoro purple. Wear dark glasses.

50. Attempt to bribe your opponent's characters. Turn away quickly if your opponent looks at you questioningly. Deny everything.

51. Ask if he has a license to drive that steam tank.

52. Make your opponent take a stupidity test. Refuse to let him do anything if he fails it.

53. Stare deep into his eyes. Use hypnosis to convince him he is a chicken. You may revert him back to normal at the end of the game.

54. Paint all your miniatures naked. Complain about their dirty habits.

55. At the start of the game, flash a fake FBI card. Demand to see his army list.

56. Bring a water pistol. Squirt him in the back every time he turns away. Claim it was raining.

57. Dress up in a suit. Bring a pointer and a big map. Give a weather report before the game. Predict sunny weather. Surreptiously pour a bucket of water on the table when he's not looking. If he asks for an explanation, explain that "nobody's perfect".

58. Toss a bucket of water over his undead. Look worried when nothing especially unexpected happens <except maybe for the table owner to walk up…>. Mutter about the declining standards of holy water. Try garlic. If that doesn't work, throw on a steak.

59. Bring a fire danger chart. Set it to "extreme". Wear a "smokey the bear" cap. Refuse to let him use fiery convocation. Pour a bucket of water on the board if he does.

60. Pour a bucket of water on the table. Look down on your miniatures and yell, "sink or swim, you lazy *&^%".