61. Pour a bucket of the water. Claim it was necessary in terraforming the planet.
62. Bring a whiteboard and a texta. Give all your miniatures a briefing before the game. Get them all in a circle and yell out repeatedly "psyche! psyche! psyche!".
63. Bring cheerleader models. Place on the side of the table. Bring a tape of chants- 5,6,7,8 who do we appreciate?
64. Plunk a computer on the table. Explain that your mate "Deep Blue" is standing in for you.
65. Roll out a wooden trojan horse, but nothing else. Wait expectantly.
66. Dedicate the game to your "beloved late last opponent." Sharpen your teeth. Grin.
67. Ask your opponent for a building permit before he places any huts.
68. Wear a sponsorship shirt- "Ashur Inc". If possible, be part of a team.
69. Apologize, but explain that your troops are on strike. Refuse to play unless he pays for their pay rise.
70. Explain that all your miniatures have a 1+ save, as they are made of "white metal".
71. Charge him a parking ticket for his chariot.
72. Paint all your miniatures in football uniforms. Bring a little football. When you see all his miniatures with weapons, ask "Isn't this the Campbell memorial football stadium?".
73. Come into the room screaming "they're alive! they're alive!" with goblin spearmen rammed into your skin all along your arms.
74. Make him draw a pentagram, chant and sprinkle incense before you let him place his Greater Daemon.
75. Look at his goblins for a long time. Make allusions to the fact that they all look exactly the same. Warn about inbreeding.
76. Bring a little whistle. When he kills one of your miniatures, blow it and gesture your way. Explain that he was "off-side".
77. When he fires a cannonball, ask him if he will let you make a 4+ "catch and throw back" roll.
78. Slap him with a public indecency suit when he places his witch elves on the board.
79. Offer him some "squig beer". Make sure that it is green.
80. Speak in rhyming couplets. "Oh it shall be as thus/you save on a 4 plus"
81. If asked to guess a range, guess in nanometres. Measure it out on your specially designed tape.
82. When you activate the Black Gem of Gnar, start singing, "This is the challenge that never ends, it just goes on and on my friends…" Stop and look surprised when the effects wear off.
83. Bring an apprentice model for one of your characters. When he attacks, exclaim, "No, no, no, not like that! Repeat after me: I will not swing my sword in anything less than a 45 degree arc, I will not swing my sword…"
84. Ask where it says you can't use your orbital phaser cannon. Repeat in turn for: gargant, selective volcano, life-sized cannon, mad attack kitten, doom-diver carrying a neutron bomb, rat-sac, etc.
85. Put a little conductor figure out the front of your deployment zone, complete with music stand and tails. Tap your range ruler on the edge of the board… "1,2,1,2,3,4". Quickly switch on a tape of the Philadelphia harmonic choir as you gesture wildly with your range ruler. After four seconds, have the tape click and end. Drop the ruler and look embarrassed.
86. As soon as he kills one of your models, put on a police cap and switch on a police siren. Stroll up to your opponent. Fake a Yorkshire accent. "Allo, allo, allo, what do we have here then?" Pick up his general. "He's the brains of the operation, is he then?" Turn to the original model. Pick him up and read him his rights. Arrest his army for grievous bodily harm.
87. Ask his wardancers where they got the kinky gear. Wink seductively.
88. Hide under the table. Use -ventriloqui- -Ventriloquiy- throwing your voice to project your voice onto your general model.
89. Calculate the angles of elevation given the wind resistance, escape velocity and the aerodynamics of the projectile before firing his cannon.
90. Give the post-modernist influences on your painting style. Critique his.
91. Put little red curtains along your deployment zone boundaries. Begin, "May I present…" and pull them back dramatically. Reveal an empty stage. Look around nervously and repeat your line a little louder. Close the curtains again. Repeat.
92. Trip his giant.
93. Run an electric current through your fence.
94. Bring a 600 page bound book with big letters on the front "FAQ". Lay it on the ground facing England and worship it. Prop up a little framed picture of Tuomas Pirinen next to it. Demand your opponent join you in a prayer small prayer session to Him.
95. Demand he right the gender and racial inequalities in his army.
96. Stand on the board. If he says anything, explain that your army has transcended this world and has risen to the spiritual plane. Explain that you are their physical medium and must fight on their behalf. Look down at his army and laugh.
97. Write a ballad about the battle.
98. When the game is in full swing, get a friend to bring over a UFO model. Have it hover over the board. Abduct his army. When it is all over, deny everything. Make sure your watch has 'lost' six minutes.
99. Bring a little coffee mug in the shape of the cauldron of blood.
100. Bring a real elastic band for your doom diver. Why stop at throwing miniatures?
101. Read the above out before the game.
Hive World Terra