Hive World Terra

Needlepoint System

Warning: This definition may contain spoilers from any number of Games Workshop novels or source books.

Needlepoint System: A ring of weapons satellites in various geo-synchronous and geo-stationary orbits around the Earth. Needlepoint was the legacy of President Richard Nixon's second term promise to end the Arms Race with the Soviets. Supposedly capable of pinpoint accuracy whether it was blasting "Russian bombers in Tashkent or a cockroach scuttling across floor in Harlem", Needlepoint failed spectacularly during testing, nearly destroying the US moonbase in the Sea of Tranquility, before being shutdown. These failures to perform earned the nickname "Needledick" amongst NASA staff.

After billions of dollars had been pumped into the non-functioning (or at least, inaccurate) Needlepoint System, the project was cancelled in 1978 and its Cape Canaveral base mothballed.

Needlepoint was resurrected by the Church of Joseph, an endeavour overseen by Elder Roger Duroc and Commander Lawrence Jerome Fonvielle, the project's original commanding officer. Elder Seth of the Church intended to use Needlepoint to further his ends in bringing about the end of the world and the triumph of the Dark Ones.

In May 1998, Keystone, Needlepoint's Command & Communications satellite was restored to functionality and a test fire carried out which killed its intended target, Gavin Mantle, and destroyed the small village of Taabazimbi in the Transvaal as an unexpected bonus.

Keystone promptly shut down again temporarily, before being restored to full function later that month. Just in time to be destroyed by a bizarre combination of voodoo magic, Elvis Presley, and a manitou rocket full of the angry ghosts of astronauts.

Source: Comeback Tour by Jack Yeovil

Submitter: Simguinus